Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
