He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
