please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
