Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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