His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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