how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
