Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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