escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
