just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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