So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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