the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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