im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
