she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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