it hurts more in the daytime
you would pick up someone in the library
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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