Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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