Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
