he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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