Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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