And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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