Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
