I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
