she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
