college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
