Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
