woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
