if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
