half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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