he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
