there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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