I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am one with the molecules
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
