So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
