Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
