So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
