I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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