A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
