OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
