I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You made out with two different species that night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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