Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
