I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
