I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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