Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
