her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
