i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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