I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
