Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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