I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
