i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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