So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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