Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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