something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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