i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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