Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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