The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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