Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
